Live Blog of Learning How to Make a Murderer

Okay, technically I watched the first episode with the Boyfriend earlier this week. But seeing that I was extremely drowsy and fell asleep for half the show (sorry, Boyfriend), I’m gonna give this another go. Though, I could very well fall asleep again. But that would be bad. Cause I’m at work. Don’t tell my boss.

Santa! Stevie looks like Santa.

He sure kissed a lot of women… Is one of those polygamist towns?

Oh, Santa cut his beard! And bleached his hair?

Lmao, “I might’ve went to several taverns.” Okay, gurl. We see you.

Ha. They spelled ‘pack’ wrong. Omg, that poor cat, what the heck?!

Running someone off the road. Welp, that’s one way of dealing with your problems.

Awh, baby! Another baby! Twin babies! Lori got some cool glasses.

Whoa this running is making me dizzy.

Every time I hear that woman’s name I just think of the Berenstain Bears.

Dvorak got cool glasses too! Oh, she’s lying.

I’ve watched enough of ‘Lie to Me’ to know you’re lying too, Mr. Kooshay. That’s totally not how you spell his name, is it?

You think the Beerntsen’s read their kids the Berenstain Bears books? I totally would.

This show is a lot of reading and listening. At the same time. My mind cannot process this.

Pouring concrete and watching divorce court. What a time to be alive.

But this little motion graphic is cool. Kudos, art team!

Steve’s dad though. So much emotion.

Oooh, their jail doors are so colorful!

Why’d he stay at so many correctional facilities? Is that normal?

Whoa. Those letters between him and his wife. Brutal.

Oh here it go… Science to the rescue!

LMAO, “…when Steve Avery didn’t even own underwear.” I die.

No, Stevie. Don’t confess… No…

His poor mother. SOMEONE TAKE HIS CASE. SHEESH.

C’mon little pubic hair. I’m rooting for you. Haaa, punny.

GREGORY ALLEN, YOU SONVA –

LMAO. The random baby.

Y’alls about to get caught red handed.

What do I need to do to be able to introduce myself as a “special agent.”

Why does everyone in these interviews seem so sketch.

NOTHING?! Forreal. What kind of justice system… I am never living in Wisconsin.

What a crack of shit indeed, gurlfriend.

Whoa, that ending. I didn’t fall asleep! Success!

I’m gonna go watch Parks & Rec. re-runs now.

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Live Blog of My Third Visit to the Optometrist in a Week

11:03am: I. am. late. My appointment was at 10:50am. Oops. Doesn’t matter anyway cause this place is always busy. I hope my ulcer has improved. Although, when it heals what will I blog about?!

11:16am: Pre-screen done. Same nurse? assistant? as before. She’s super nice.

11:17: Spent about two seconds in the Dilation Waiting Room. Already waiting for the doctor. The office must be running smoothly today cause I’m usually waiting for about 45 minutes. Does this mean this visit may not last 2 hours?!

11:28am: Done! My doctor was extremely panicked when he heard I hadn’t been using the drops since Thursday when I last saw him. Backstory: I lost them on my way to work Friday morning. Freaked out called my pharmacy, they said it’d either be $135 without insurance or I would have to get another prescription. Called my optometrist office, left a message. Never heard from either the pharmacy or the office again. Thankfully, when he checked my eye he said it was definitely better. The spots are still there, but it should be gone after a week. He gave me a steroid drop to heal the blood vessels in the corner of my eye and diminish the chances of scarring. I don’t have to go back. Hallelujah, cause those $20 co-pay fees were adding up. Treatment should be over by the weekend and I can resume using contacts! Just in time for Disney! Backstory 2: My adoring boyfriend surprised me with a birthday trip to Disney next week with a couple of friends. Seriously best present ever. Best boyfriend ever.

11:35am: Okay, I probably look like a creep just sitting here in my car. Time to go! Happy Tuesday, y’all! I’m gonna go look at the world cause I’m not going to go blind!

Live Blog of a Day at Camp

7:26am — At home. Contemplating whether or not I want to commit to this. It’s tie-dye day. It might be a 10 hour day because it’s the last week so we have to pack and clean up everything. My phone might die.

7:29am — Excuses, excuses. Let’s do this shit.

7:58am — Arrived at camp. Tables are down, board games are out. Didn’t even have to break a sweat.

8:05am — Been singing, “Ohh meth. Ohh meth!” Damn it, Kane Show.

8:10am — Parent just told Christine and I we look, “too similar.” Quickly shut that thought down with a, “We’re not twins.”

8:23am — Least favorite parent dealt with. Should be smooth sailing from here! …I just jinxed it.

8:42am — Just explained tie-dye to a camper. Didn’t realize this was such a foreign concept.

8:52am — Camper just told me one of our counselors always hugs and kisses her. When asked how she felt about that she responded, “Disgusting.”

8:57am — Camper just gave me a hug because we’re going outside later. Cute.

9:06am — Two more parents baffled by the similarity between Christine and I. It is the sixth week. How are y’all just noticing this now.

9:20am — Parent asks if this is are last week and if I’m happy about it. I respond with a, “Maybe…”

9:33am — Outside time. While I stay in the multipurpose room (MPR) with one camper. One. Because his mother doesn’t want him to get bug bites. Would you like me to put him in a bubble too?

9:55am — Almost time to start rotations.

10:03am — Text my Assistant Director and sister some instructions. Too lazy to get up and walk down the hall.

12:30pm — Sorry for my absence. Been tie-DYING the past two hours. I have the dyed fingers to prove it.

12:37pm — Got fed up. Turned off the lights. Kids spending the rest of lunch in dark silence. Anyone talks and it extends their stay here. I am ruthless. I have no heart. I feel nothing.

2:44pm — Oops. I totally forgot about this. Tie-dye is done. My boss came over. Always good seeing him. Chilling under the awning outside. I need a breather. Woosah.

2:59pm — Had a nice little photoshoot with my kiddos. Pics will be up later.

3:02pm — Number of campers who have gotten to second base with me is at an all time high.

3:43pm — I should be gone in two minutes. It’s probably not gonna happen… Currently writing 29 slips of tie-dye instructions. Tedious.

4:24pm — Leaving now. Couldn’t take another two hours.

Live Blog of My Sister’s Graduation

2:11pm: Welcome readers, to Walter Johnson High School’s 2013 Commencement Exercises. Graduations are always terribly boring after your graduate has walked. So I thought I’d share my thoughts throughout today’s distinguished event. Here we go.
2:16pm: Sitting patiently waiting for the graduates to emerge. There’s a group of guys behind me who I know are going to get on my nerves in – right now.
2:18pm: Just saw my old Anatomy teacher. He has a beard. Weird.
2:28pm: Band starts playing. Teachers walk in. Students walk in. Cheering…
2:30pm: See my sister. Glad she painted her cap. Even if she spelled U-M-B-C wrong…
2:32pm: Homegirl next to my fam starts whistling to get her graduate’s attention. It. is. loud. How the.
2:43pm: Master of Ceremonies opens with speech about parents. It’s pretty sweet.
2:54pm: Senior class president speech. He just said their class organized the biggest Senior Skip Day ever. This kid sounds promising.
2:58pm: I feel like every graduation speech has to include a Dr. Seuss quote. This one is no different.
3:05pm: Valedictorian is up. Asian girl. What’s new. She has so many cords. And tassels. Jeez.
3:09pm: Change my attention to the crowd. I spot five guys playing with their tassels/cords. Also spot a woman taking a picture with her iPad. This amuses me.
3:12pm: Just smiled for said lady’s selfie. Hey girl!
3:16pm: “Find out what you’re bad at. Don’t do it.” -Eun Yang from NBC 4, Commencement speaker.
3:24pm: Spot two more graduates playing with their tassel. These kids are like cats.
3:30pm: Some girl decorated her cap with rhinestones. It is so sparkly. Can’t stop staring at it. Now I’m the cat.
3:36pm: Presentation of Class. AKA, WJ class of 2013 stats.
3:42pm: Another Dr. Seuss reference.
3:45pm: Sister walks across stage. I proceed to embarrass her like I have pretty much her entire life by screaming out, “I LOVE YOU CICI!” My job here is done.
3:55pm: But actually. Is this over yet? Where’s that sparkly cap? That should keep me entertained for a while.
4:01pm: Spotted a little boy wearing a paper chef hat. Why?
4:27pm: Last name is called. He gets the biggest cheer of all! That’s why I’d want to be last.
4:40pm: Out of the hall. Chaos.

Live Blog of a Typical Work Day

9:07 AM — Arrive at the center. Whenever I say “the center” I think of a mental institution. Maybe I should clarify. Nah.

9:22 AM  What’s that little thing on the counter? Wait, what is that? A – a finger nail?! How in the – why? Why.

9:25 AM — I’ve been telling kids who call in that open gym starts at 12:00 PM. It starts at 9:30 AM. Not sorry I’m not sorry.

9:32 AM — Favorite old, French man enters the center.

9:35 AM  I said “Good morning!” lady, say it back. SAY IT BACK.

9:41 AM — Is it too early to eat chips? Wait, no. I have a soccer game tonight. Must resist and eat healthy. And a banana. I need to eat a banana.

9:48 AM — Look at online bank statement. Proceed to cry over online bank statement. Why did I make that purchase again?

9:54 AM  Boyfriend g-chats me about the apple pie a woman in his office baked. I longingly look over at the vending machine while Sara Bareilles’ “Gravity” plays in my mind. “Something always brings me back to you…”

10:06 AM Guess I’ll watch the latest episode of “The Carrie Diaries.” Nothing like mediocre, mindless television to pass the time.

10:15 AM  Have to make a sign for the womens bathroom. How do you spell maintenance? My mother would be so disappointed in me right now. How do you spell inconvenience? What are words? What is spelling?!

10:22 AM — I fold. I bought the chips. I am sitting here eating chips. I have no self discipline.

10:45 AM The babies begin to arrive. Let the screaming ensue!

10:48 AM  Man who looks like Mr. Fredrickson from UP enters the center.

11:10 AM — I’ve been watching this show for over an hour. It’s only 43 minutes long. Something isn’t right here.

11:19 AM — Realize the time and have a mild anxiety attack. Only 41 more minutes until open gym. Yesterday I had a dream nightmare that 60+ teenagers came in to ball. I woke up practically in tears. What if it actually happens today…

11:25 AM Finally done with the show. Was there a new episode of “Community” last week? Yup, time to kiss another hour or so down the drain. Can you tell my day is exhausting? Because it is.

11:28 AM — The first basketball player enters the center. So it begins.

11:37 AM — Why does Ryan Lochte have a show? Why don’t I have a show? If I did what would it be about? These are the things I think of.

11:44 AM — Bye Mr. Fredrickson!

11:47 AM — Incessant ringing cell phone makes co-worker mad. Uh oh…

12:03 PM — Crap. I see a teenager walking toward the center in the distance. He has a basketball. Oh no. No no no. No.

12:16 PM — Finished “Community.” Nothing more to watch now – wait, I lied. “How I Met Your Mother” it is! It’s Robin Sparkles Four, Y’all! No, no it’s not. I lied again.

12:32 PM — Dance. Party. My package has arrived at home. Yes, that’s exactly what you think it is. If what you’re thinking of is a new – more on that tomorrow.

12:40 PM — Just remembered how yesterday there was a teenage couple making out in the breezeway right in front of the center. I had to walk past them as I was leaving. Why teenagers. Why.

12:44 PM — Cute GEICO employee enters the center. Flips hair. “Good afternoon!” Wink. Boyfriend, if you are reading this I’m just kidding. My hair is in a bun today.

12:57 PM — More kids. Help.

1:15 PM — I just said “Go ‘head cuh.” Who am I. This place makes me go crazy. Maybe it really is a mental institution. My mental institution. My own personal “Shutter Island.” More things I think about.

1:16 PM — I never actually saw that movie. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

1:18 PM — Organized flyers. Strenuous. Could have gotten a paper cut or something. My cousin says this is the hardest task I have. He obviously doesn’t know what kind of concentration it takes to write perfect tally marks.

1:27 PM — I can always count on my stomach to remind me I’m starving. Time to eat. Also, completely forgot I was watching “HIMYM.”

1:33 PM — Bye, GEICO Crush!

1:39 PM — Struck gold and found Panera chips in my mailbox. Thank you, past Michelle. Sorry for the Charley horse, future Michelle.

1:59 PM — Now entering the Twilight Zone. Where two hours feel like four and there are no babies in the playroom to make you smile.

2:00 PM — Cousin didn’t bring me a salad like I asked. Dishonor.

2:10 PM — Ending of that “HIMYM” episode was the bees knees. And toes. And elbows.

2:17 PM — Nothing to watch. Time to aimless wander the Internet.

2:26 PM — Bossman arrives. Tells me he got attacked by a cat. Story is interrupted by the sound of the alarm system from the basketball court. Darn teenagers. Sure, “a ball hit the door.” If you say so. Insert “When I was your age…” rant.

2:40 PM — /endrant.

2:48 PM — I can feel my energy draining. Two hours to go. Must. Push. Through.

3:08 PM — Had to put the divider down between the courts. Got boo’d doing it. Yeah, yeah. Didn’t realize just how many people were in there. Could be close to 40 teenagers/kids. My nightmare has been happening right before my eyes.

3:14 PM — Phone call about open gym volleyball. I don’t know anything about activities that happen after 5:00 PM. And I say “uh” too much.

3:27 PM — Troublemaker #1 has entered the building. I can almost feel my blood pressure rising.

3:31 PM — Someone is having a phone conversation through speakerphone in the lobby. One of my co-worker’s least favorite things in the world (second only to crying babies). Now I can feel his blood pressure rising.

3:46 PM — Friend shows me this. The stuff that happens at this center. I shake my head.

3:47 PM — MAYDAY MAYDAY. Troublemakers #2-6 enter the center. Been here no more than 3 seconds and already they’re causing havoc. Respect and responsibility, boys.

3:51 PM — And Troublemakers #7-12 follow. I constantly find that I have to take a deep breath before they enter the vicinity.

3:56 PM — Troublemakers #13-15 arrive. Two deep breaths this time.

4:04 PM — Co-worker leaves without saying “Bye.”

4:04.10 PM — Start blasting music.

4:17 PM — Troublemaker #2 leaves. Blasts music louder.

4:20 PM — There is definitely close to 60 people in the gym right now. All 60 have to leave in 40 minutes. There is one of me and 60 of them. I am a small Asian girl. They are a mixture of kids, teens, and young adults. There may be a problem here.

4:30-4:33 PM — Left the desk to pee, came back, and nothing happened. A small dance party was held.

4:36 PM — Hear a kid say, “It’s just $30, Mom.” I am astonished. I would gladly take your $30 if it’s really that frivolous to you.

4:56 PM — Excitement. My sister brought my package to the center.

5:00 PM — FREEDOM. Until tomorrow. When it all repeats.