If you have ever drove into DC you’ll know it’s equivalent to Britney circa 2007. A hot mess. Parking is impossible to find and if you do happen to snag a spot there’s a 98% chance you’ll get a ticket. Don’t even get me started on traffic. So I, like many residents of the District and its surrounding counties, take public transportation. Either by bus or train you’ll meet a few characters on your daily commute. Here are a few I’ve come across:
The Undercover Boombox
That one person who doesn’t understand that headphones are meant to be a personal experience. I can hear your music through my music and I”m 7ft away from you. Tell me what’s wrong here.
Their name derives from the elementary school saying, “No butts, no cuts, no idiots.” These people throw everything they learned in kindergarten out the door and walk right up to the front of the queue. Right, as if we all haven’t been standing here waiting for the past 20 minutes. Your teacher would be ashamed of you.
The People You Wish Had a Mute Button
They’ll talk on the phone the entire duration of their ride. No, they won’t speak quietly and keep their conversations to themselves. They’ll make their business everyone’s business. By the time they leave you’ll know their social security number.
The Silent Neighbor
The person who sits next to you even though there are 15+ seats available. Why. And they’re the exact opposite of the previously mentioned character. They’ll never talk to you. I mean, if you’re going to pop a squat beside me at least say hello.
The pretentious business man/woman whose car broke down, forcing them to take public transportation. The horror. They double as one of The People You Wish Had a Mute Button because they will call everyone and their mom to tell them their woes. Calm yourself. We won’t bite. Unless provoked.