Live Blog of a Typical Work Day

9:07 AM — Arrive at the center. Whenever I say “the center” I think of a mental institution. Maybe I should clarify. Nah.

9:22 AM  What’s that little thing on the counter? Wait, what is that? A – a finger nail?! How in the – why? Why.

9:25 AM — I’ve been telling kids who call in that open gym starts at 12:00 PM. It starts at 9:30 AM. Not sorry I’m not sorry.

9:32 AM — Favorite old, French man enters the center.

9:35 AM  I said “Good morning!” lady, say it back. SAY IT BACK.

9:41 AM — Is it too early to eat chips? Wait, no. I have a soccer game tonight. Must resist and eat healthy. And a banana. I need to eat a banana.

9:48 AM — Look at online bank statement. Proceed to cry over online bank statement. Why did I make that purchase again?

9:54 AM  Boyfriend g-chats me about the apple pie a woman in his office baked. I longingly look over at the vending machine while Sara Bareilles’ “Gravity” plays in my mind. “Something always brings me back to you…”

10:06 AM Guess I’ll watch the latest episode of “The Carrie Diaries.” Nothing like mediocre, mindless television to pass the time.

10:15 AM  Have to make a sign for the womens bathroom. How do you spell maintenance? My mother would be so disappointed in me right now. How do you spell inconvenience? What are words? What is spelling?!

10:22 AM — I fold. I bought the chips. I am sitting here eating chips. I have no self discipline.

10:45 AM The babies begin to arrive. Let the screaming ensue!

10:48 AM  Man who looks like Mr. Fredrickson from UP enters the center.

11:10 AM — I’ve been watching this show for over an hour. It’s only 43 minutes long. Something isn’t right here.

11:19 AM — Realize the time and have a mild anxiety attack. Only 41 more minutes until open gym. Yesterday I had a dream nightmare that 60+ teenagers came in to ball. I woke up practically in tears. What if it actually happens today…

11:25 AM Finally done with the show. Was there a new episode of “Community” last week? Yup, time to kiss another hour or so down the drain. Can you tell my day is exhausting? Because it is.

11:28 AM — The first basketball player enters the center. So it begins.

11:37 AM — Why does Ryan Lochte have a show? Why don’t I have a show? If I did what would it be about? These are the things I think of.

11:44 AM — Bye Mr. Fredrickson!

11:47 AM — Incessant ringing cell phone makes co-worker mad. Uh oh…

12:03 PM — Crap. I see a teenager walking toward the center in the distance. He has a basketball. Oh no. No no no. No.

12:16 PM — Finished “Community.” Nothing more to watch now – wait, I lied. “How I Met Your Mother” it is! It’s Robin Sparkles Four, Y’all! No, no it’s not. I lied again.

12:32 PM — Dance. Party. My package has arrived at home. Yes, that’s exactly what you think it is. If what you’re thinking of is a new – more on that tomorrow.

12:40 PM — Just remembered how yesterday there was a teenage couple making out in the breezeway right in front of the center. I had to walk past them as I was leaving. Why teenagers. Why.

12:44 PM — Cute GEICO employee enters the center. Flips hair. “Good afternoon!” Wink. Boyfriend, if you are reading this I’m just kidding. My hair is in a bun today.

12:57 PM — More kids. Help.

1:15 PM — I just said “Go ‘head cuh.” Who am I. This place makes me go crazy. Maybe it really is a mental institution. My mental institution. My own personal “Shutter Island.” More things I think about.

1:16 PM — I never actually saw that movie. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

1:18 PM — Organized flyers. Strenuous. Could have gotten a paper cut or something. My cousin says this is the hardest task I have. He obviously doesn’t know what kind of concentration it takes to write perfect tally marks.

1:27 PM — I can always count on my stomach to remind me I’m starving. Time to eat. Also, completely forgot I was watching “HIMYM.”

1:33 PM — Bye, GEICO Crush!

1:39 PM — Struck gold and found Panera chips in my mailbox. Thank you, past Michelle. Sorry for the Charley horse, future Michelle.

1:59 PM — Now entering the Twilight Zone. Where two hours feel like four and there are no babies in the playroom to make you smile.

2:00 PM — Cousin didn’t bring me a salad like I asked. Dishonor.

2:10 PM — Ending of that “HIMYM” episode was the bees knees. And toes. And elbows.

2:17 PM — Nothing to watch. Time to aimless wander the Internet.

2:26 PM — Bossman arrives. Tells me he got attacked by a cat. Story is interrupted by the sound of the alarm system from the basketball court. Darn teenagers. Sure, “a ball hit the door.” If you say so. Insert “When I was your age…” rant.

2:40 PM — /endrant.

2:48 PM — I can feel my energy draining. Two hours to go. Must. Push. Through.

3:08 PM — Had to put the divider down between the courts. Got boo’d doing it. Yeah, yeah. Didn’t realize just how many people were in there. Could be close to 40 teenagers/kids. My nightmare has been happening right before my eyes.

3:14 PM — Phone call about open gym volleyball. I don’t know anything about activities that happen after 5:00 PM. And I say “uh” too much.

3:27 PM — Troublemaker #1 has entered the building. I can almost feel my blood pressure rising.

3:31 PM — Someone is having a phone conversation through speakerphone in the lobby. One of my co-worker’s least favorite things in the world (second only to crying babies). Now I can feel his blood pressure rising.

3:46 PM — Friend shows me this. The stuff that happens at this center. I shake my head.

3:47 PM — MAYDAY MAYDAY. Troublemakers #2-6 enter the center. Been here no more than 3 seconds and already they’re causing havoc. Respect and responsibility, boys.

3:51 PM — And Troublemakers #7-12 follow. I constantly find that I have to take a deep breath before they enter the vicinity.

3:56 PM — Troublemakers #13-15 arrive. Two deep breaths this time.

4:04 PM — Co-worker leaves without saying “Bye.”

4:04.10 PM — Start blasting music.

4:17 PM — Troublemaker #2 leaves. Blasts music louder.

4:20 PM — There is definitely close to 60 people in the gym right now. All 60 have to leave in 40 minutes. There is one of me and 60 of them. I am a small Asian girl. They are a mixture of kids, teens, and young adults. There may be a problem here.

4:30-4:33 PM — Left the desk to pee, came back, and nothing happened. A small dance party was held.

4:36 PM — Hear a kid say, “It’s just $30, Mom.” I am astonished. I would gladly take your $30 if it’s really that frivolous to you.

4:56 PM — Excitement. My sister brought my package to the center.

5:00 PM — FREEDOM. Until tomorrow. When it all repeats.

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